just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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