69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
