is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
