HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
