I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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