what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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