Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
