please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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