I accidentally had phone sex last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
