I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
