I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
