Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
