I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
