You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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