I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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