So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
