Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
