I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
