You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
