I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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