Just fell off a train. Bad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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