Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
