If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
