I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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