Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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