my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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