White coat. Heels.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
