I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
