Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
