How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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