apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
