my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
