I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
