She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
