at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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