come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
