And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
