Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
