Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
