I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
