we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
