Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
