Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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