time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
