Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
