When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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