toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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