ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
