I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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