nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
